


Discovery Chanel

by DarkestInfatuations



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkestInfatuations/pseuds/DarkestInfatuations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Donnie makes an off-the wall remark, Mikey decides to educate himself by watching the Discovery channel…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovery Chanel

It was another boring weekday afternoon. Mikey was wondering about the lair as his brothers filled their free time with what concerned them; Donnie was working on repairing the security system, Raphael was lifting weights, and as per usual, Leonardo could be found mediating with sensei. Practice would start again soon but Michelangelo was having none of it.  
  
"Can't believe he said that to me… jerk." He slipped onto the battle-worn couch and sulked wearily. After another conversation with Donnie, who he knew didn't really mean anything by his words, he couldn't help but hear the phrase over and over again.  
  
_~'I swear, Michelangelo. You have to be the most uneducated person I've come across. I'm going to have to talk to Splinter about making time during the day to educate you and Raph…'~_  
  
"Oh yeah? I'll show you uneducated," he whispered angrily. He stretched over, and finding the remote, flipped the buzzing TV's over to the discovery channel.  
  
"Should probably go tape my eyes open…" he stretched out, crossing his arms over his plastron as the many TV's filtered a picture of a group of brightly colored iguanas.  
  
_"However, in the animal kingdom there are much more impressive males on display."_  
  
The scenery rapidly changed to a deciduous forest in full bloom, the screen ticker rapidly reading off ' _Woolly Hollow state park, Arkansas'_.  
  
A man in outdoor clothing walked down a hill, looking into the camera.  
  
_"The turtle has one of natures most impressive reproductive organs, sometimes measuring over half of the length of their plastron. The turtle phallus contains only one vascular erectile body and develops on the ventral surface of the cloaca. Like the mammalian penis, the turtle phallus is a hydraulic cylinder that becomes engorged by fluid and is relatively resistant to bending when erect. The single erectile body of the turtle phallus is divided into a collagenous corpus fibrosum and a highly vascularized, expandable corpus spongiosum. As a turtle's phallus inflates, its length may increase by nearly 50%, its width by 75%, and its depth by 10%."_  
  
As he finished this sentence, he walked over to a broad patch of bright green ferns. Lifting one up, he continued as he pointed to a large turtle who had been hiding; it's shell was a dull green-brown, but the skin was black with patches of orange, yellow, and red. Beady red eyes stared at the human aggressor.  
  
_"And here, you can see we have a fine three-toed box turtle specimen, a male."_ Without further ado, he picks up the turtle, flipping it over to show a very impressive sex organ.  
  
_"As you can see, the phallus is terrifyingly large compared to the turtles body. In many species, the males phallus will 'bloom' to anchor within the female, as turtle copulation can sometimes be a tricky act."_  
  
The youngest Hamato brother stared in shock at the TV screen, his mouth agape.  
  
_"When we come back on Exploring the Unknown, we will plunder further into the mysteries that reptiles hold."_ The parting image the TV gave was of the said three-toed box turtle running away into the same ferns he had been found under.  
  
Michelangelo slowly turned his head to gaze at Donatello and Raphael, who were standing off to the side of the living area, then behind him to Leonardo and Splinter who were staring from the doorway of the meditation room, their gazes those of shock, irritation, and disgust. Michelangelo's face contorted into one of agony as he looked back over to the purple banded brother.  
  
"Why isn't mine that big?"  
  
Raphael and Donatello both busted out laughing, grasping onto one another as they struggled to remain standing. Mikey simply looked behind him to Leonardo again with tears in his eyes.  
  
" _ **Well**_?!" Leonardo shook his head, giving a face palm before looking to his father for direction.  
  
"I do not think it would be wise to watch Discovery channel anymore, my sons…"


End file.
